Breaking the silence

I have been torn whether or not to actually publish this blog post. I try to view myself as a very forgiving person. A person who works to move on and leave the past in the past. Nothing can change the past. Honestly ... NOTHING can make what happened in the past any different. Once a plate is broken, it's broken. I feel very productive. I feel like I am a fairly good mother. I feel like I am a fairly good Christian. But y'all, truth be told ... I am REALLY struggling right now.

 Over 20 years ago, I was molested. I was molested by a family member. I told an adult. Nothing was done.

I was young and was told that it was no big deal. As I aged, I was told by people that I made up the story to get attention. The pain deepened. I learned to just keep my mouth shut and live in silence. I became a statistic. I became a very jaded person when it came to sexual abuse. So much so that when I was raped after high school that I believed the lies ... you know the ones, "you must have deserved it because you led him on" lies.

Two times in my life I was violated and two times nothing was done about the offender. The second time was my fault.

I have talked about this in therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD and was treated for it for a few years. I felt like there was glue that was piecing me back together and I had a wonderfully supportive husband.

Then along comes the Josh Duggar story.

You know ... I was okay with the story when it first broke. The initial story was Josh messed up and dad turned him in. Oh how quick the tides turned with the release of the police report the very next day. The report that mentioned forcible fondling over a period of a few years with multiple girls ... including family members.

You know what ... if Josh claims he has repented ... that's between him and God. If he claims he has worked through the forgiveness process with his victims ... that's between him and his victims. HOWEVER ... I have a very strong feeling that if this is coming out, that the "I'm sorry" is not enough. But what REALLY grates my nerves ... are the people on social media defending him saying "he was just a child" and "it's not like he raped them."

ARE.YOU.SERIOUS?! Do you even HEAR yourself?

1. He was 14 years old. He COULD have been tried as an adult depending on the number of charges and the severity.

2. The girls were STILL violated. They did NOT consent. It's not like it was 2 teens just being naughty and having roaming hands. It was FORCIBLE FONDLING. Forcible = NOT WANTED

So, here's my question dear people who think it's just FINE that this happened ... what if it was YOUR daughter that was violated? What would you tell her? Just to suck it up? He's just a child? Even though the action happens over and over again? Seriously, what would your initial reaction be?

The stats for child abuse continue to rise. It is BEYOND time to break the silence. As I continue to heal ... and try to close the wounds that have been re-opened ... let this story be a way to spark talk on how to change this view of child molestation.