This year ... my topic selection is the Autism Spectrum. I HATE adding the D on the end, because I feel that disorder is so negative ... I would rather just say Autism Spectrum Diagnosis. There is SO much that goes into autism that it is very important to be clear that just because you know someone who has a child that battles the symptoms autism brings, you cannot say that you have seen it all.
It has been an absolute battle with my son, Bullfrog, because he will mask his symptoms a lot. He tries to appear normal for as long as he physically can ... and then he just explodes. This has led to more trouble because we don't have those warning signs. He goes from being happy to a level 8 meltdown within a matter of seconds. But I get it. What child wants to be different? Especially in school? Kids are mean! They don't even always mean to be cruel ... they are just very honest and don't always have a filter.
So, I feel it is our responsibility as parents, to make autism more "commonplace" for our children who are neurotypical. Lil' Pit Bull may struggle with authority figures and is vindictive with a few select people, but one thing she does not struggle with is the ability to accept others for who they are. She has always been able to reach those with special needs and make them feel included. I don't want to say that I'm a great parent and the reason for this ... what I do want to say is that I believe it is because we have made it no big deal for her entire life.
While my son is extremely high functioning, and struggles to get the diagnosis from the initial clinic, we do believe he battles from Asperger's. They no longer have an Asperger's diagnosis. It simply falls under the autism umbrella. I believe this is part of the reason my son was not diagnosed. They told me he didn't flap his hands, or spin, or walk on his tip toes. He doesn't. He doesn't do any of those. What we are CONSTANTLY battling with is the following:
~ struggles with making and KEEPING friends
~ Constantly plays with his shirt or must touch things
~ Won't always look at us when he's talking (has to consciously think about it)
~ Routines are a MUST or we WILL have meltdowns
~ Three main interests - Minecraft, Nature (specifically birds & animals), and LEGOs. Anything and everything else he does will revolve around those things. He will memorize everything about them and tell you random tidbits.
~ EXTREMELY sensory oriented.
~ Very skilled when it comes to math & picks up coding very quickly as well. Anything to do with STEM.
We have been working with him for roughly a year and have overcome a LOT of obstacles. We used to battle with him allowing a normal conversation. It used to be very one sided. He used to be unable to identify when people were getting bored with the conversation or emotions as a whole. He still occasionally will not catch on to a person's state of mind, and is still very literal (so he doesn't always get jokes).
Autism is not something that can be cured. You can work with the symptoms and help your children become a functional member of society, but you will not cure them. In all honesty, I don't want a "cure" for my son. I don't think he needs one. He's not broken. He simply sees and responds to life in a different way than I do. There isn't anything wrong with that. The problem only comes when he is unable to respond in an appropriate manner.
This is where case managers, paras at school, and social skills really help him out. He has been working a lot with his therapists, and we will be starting him in classes at the Joshua Center here in Kansas City. Thankfully, we are also members of the Autism Society in the Heartland even though the diagnosis is not official. We always have a place to go where my children are accepted and loved just the way they are.
Do you have an Aspie child or a child that lives with the autism diagnosis? What are some different things you see in your child?
I'm really looking forward to journeying with you this month. My dh is on the spectrum and I have lots of on the spectrum friends and make extra efforts work kids on the spectrum in my role as a family minister.
ReplyDeleteI have two children diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. One I am pretty sure is but I don't want to bother with the diagnosis because I never really got any help with my other two. Although I think I might go to the school as they do have a social skills course. I'd like him to take two years of that. He cannot look at anyone when they talk to him. He always turns away. His teacher in 5th grade was awesome and really helped him a lot with that. But he seems to have regressed. While people on the autism spectrum are always stated as needing routines or they have meltdowns I don't know how that works. Me and my children all struggle with staying on routines. My oldest is outgoing but he was always rejected by his peers. People still find him odd (he is 27 now). I knew something was not right but I couldn't put words on it to communicate with doctors. He didn't start talking in sentences until he was 4. He could read by that age though. I didn't notice anything in my daughter until she was 12 or 13 then I started putting the pieces together. She is totally different than my son so I didn't recognize the individual pieces. I just got an aha moment. I looked up asperger's and girls and found a good book and was shaking my head saying yes, that's her over and over while I was reading it. I tried working with the school to get extra help but it is really hard work. You have to stay on top of them constantly and I just failed to do that. All three of them do not like loud noise. When my oldest was young he would not flush the toilet because of the noise it made. When he finally would he would cover up his ears and run out of the bathroom. My daughter does not like clothes that are scratchy. She has sensitive skin and a sensitive digestive system. My oldest, although he has always been happy and outgoing, now has problems with anxiety and depression because of the years of rejection from peers. Plus my husband was not sensitive at all and very not understanding. It was a struggle with him growing up being the middle man. When I tried to get help for my oldest son my husband would get angry because he didn't think anything was wrong with him and he just needed to shape up or whatever. When he finally did get his diagnosis when he was 18 my husband reading it saw it and said -- has Asperger's. Who cares that I had been saying this for so long. When my oldest was a baby Asperger's wasn't really on the radar though. It was difficult as a mother trying to figure out how to deal with children who did not take discipline. I didn't handle it well. I can see now that they were different than other children so I can't compare to other mothers who didn't have problems disciplining their children, but still. You know you get judged any way. It's hard on the whole family. My struggles with my oldest had an effect on my second son. I feel bad about that. When you're going through it you can't always see the forest for the trees. Like you I didn't want a cure for my oldest because he was so sweet, innocent, gentle and loving. I thought if people were more like him the world would be a better place.
ReplyDeleteSorry that was long... it was longer than your post.
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