I am at that pivotal point in my life. I am a mother of four children and a stepmother to a wonderful son who lives with his mom. Each one of my children have their own needs and they all need me in very different ways. My stepson is turning 18 this year and is preparing to enter college. He has a full course load already with his regular school work. His ability to do all of this just amazes me. I have a daughter who is becoming a teenager, while battling OCD, Anxiety, and ADHD. She wants to push for the stars, but struggles with the hang-ups that come with these neurological issues. I have a son who is in the process of getting the diagnosis of Asperger's, but they want to do a full screen on him to see if there are any other issues lingering. I have a daughter who battles SPD and Selective Mutism. However hard she tries to get over her issues, they still come back and haunt her. Then I have my toddler who is battling bowel issues since birth.
In addition to being a mother of five, I am a wife. I have a husband who is working on moving up in his dream career. He has bounced between jobs as he moves up the ladder, which is AMAZINGLY fast in his industry. Each jump leads him down a path of new learning, better pay, better opportunities, and strange lessons. He needs me to support him as he battles each time he is given an offer. I am his support and he is mine. Our marriage is rock solid and I don't want to ever lose this. We have come so close a few times over the years, and I don't want to see that path again.
Finally ... I am me. I am an entrepreneur who works well with numbers. I am a person who does not handle people well. I am best behind the screens and never micromanaged. I do not succeed in those situations. I never have. I have found my dream jobs will being either system administration, project manager, data administration, or data mining. However, I still LOVE to write. Technical writing still really calls to me. I love blogging, as it is a great outlet.
So that brings me to now. Every year I select a word to work on. At the end of last year, I decided that the best word for me this year would be PURGE. Here are the things I am going to really concentrate on purging this year:
- Extra weight
- Crap in the house
- Negative thinking
- Fear of failure AND success
- People pleasing
- Doubting myself
Where this leaves me is in turmoil. Because, as a blogger, I have ALWAYS been so determined to get my numbers up on my social media. I looked to social media as my strong place. However, it has hurt me in so many ways. It has sucked my happiness and has a hold on me that can determine my mood at the drop of a hat.
I have tried for years to justify things. I have much of my posts set as public because I do blog and most of my blog is about my personal life. The posts also will automatically post on Twitter. This is beneficial to me in many ways. However, I think I have reached that point where I need to change everything that I think about when it comes to social media. I am going to be changing things so I sort who sees what, as well as what posts I see. I will be working with my Twitter account as well. I have already changed much of my Pinterest account so now I have a personal account and a business account.
I plan to give my new plan some time to see if it makes a difference. I need something to change. I need to feel the way I feel. I also need to make sure that the people I surround myself with are people who will do nothing but support my dreams. This is NOT happening right now. I know it and I resent it. It is not their fault that they do not feel the same way and I should not expect them to. They have the right to feel any way they desire ... but I also have the right to not allow it in my life.
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