Brrrrrr!!

Goodness gracious it is cold here in Kansas, but from what I am reading, the entire nation is suffering right along side with me. I didn't have to work today so I told my ex-husband I would take care of the little girls. I have had the best 24 hours with my children. Learning to love and laugh again is not an easy process, but it has been great for my mental health and physical well being.

Baby steps to a better future

Well, I am not completely back into the swing of writing every day, but I am taking baby steps. Baby steps to a better blog is right in lines with my baby steps to a better future on the whole. This week was the first week that I didn't take meal breaks with no food. I made my lunches and then took them to work to eat while on the clock. I am absolutely in love with the blog, Cotter Crunch.

When every day is a struggle

I am not going to beat around the bush here, life with four children living in your home, going to school full time, and having a husband who has a full time job AND part time job makes life a struggle. Some days it is extremely easy to be upbeat and constantly moving. Then other days you have to remember that you have to redefine your normal and be okay with that.

So, I had this grand plan to write each day that dealt with a letter to cover the autism spectrum. April didn't really work that way with me. I am still planning on writing them, but it will not be the way I wanted. I am coming to terms with that. That is part of me redefining what is normal for me. What I need to be okay with. It doesn't come easy though, because I hate having plans and great ideas but not being able to see them through.

What does it mean to redefine your normal and handle when each day seems to be a struggle?

Mental Health Awareness Week

So this month is when people are taught about many different things that are very important. Fountains will turn pink, stores will turn pink, and you can find almost every business cashing in on breast cancer awareness. However, breast cancer awareness is not the only thing that October is for. It is also when Pregnancy and Infant Loss is remembered, as well as Domestic Violence and Cerebral Palsy.

It is also when mental health conditions are remembered. At the beginning of the month, I participated in a Suicide Prevention Walk with American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I was able to finish two of the three miles before I became too overwhelmed to continue. I have lost people I have admired to suicide... but I also have friends and family who battle depression and suicidal thoughts. I walked for them.

I walked because there was a point in time when my depression was so severe that I did contemplate why I was still around. I wondered if anyone would care if I did disappear. I don't know that I ever thought about being dead, more along the lines of just disappearing and never being heard from again.

I walked because I have family members that I love more than life itself who I could not imagine not being here. They bring so much into my life and lessons that I need to learn. I walked because I did not want them to feel ashamed for battling depression.

I walked because I have friends who have lost loved ones to suicide. I don't know the words to say or how to comfort them. I'm sorry never feels like enough, and they can begin to feel like empty words. I walked because I felt like it was a way for me to say, "I hear you. I love you. I'm here for you to cry on."

Here's the thing I want to get across.

Depression is not always a visible hurt. People can be smiling on the outside and dying on the inside. Not everyone knew that Robin Williams was battling depression. Barely anyone knew that I was battling postpartum depression. It's not something I like to talk about. It's embarrassing not being able to be in control of your emotions and break down. I feel like a failure as a mother when depression creeps in. I have been given beautiful children to love and support, but it's not always easy to see that sunshine.

In addition, other mental illnesses and neurological disorders can lead to depression. My children have high needs. Until I found other parents who battle the same things in their house, I felt very alone. HOWEVER, I would have NEVER found those parents if I didn't reach out. I formed this blog to be a place to bring community. To talk about what it's like having children who battle selective mutism ... who battle ADHD ... who battle meltdowns in the middle of school ... who battle the looks people give you when you cannot keep shoes and socks on a child ... who battle the walking on egg shells ...

I want this place to be a place of understanding ... of community ... of education. This blog was built to be my personal outlet, but it isn't just for me. I find it AMAZING the number of people that I talk to and bring awareness to neurological disorders that realize they finally know where to find the tools and resources to do the best they can for their children.

I want to leave you with this quote (and then some pictures from Out of the Darkness Walk 2015 KC):

Some things may never get better, but your ability to deal with that problem will improve. ~ Wayne Kirk

Bringing Awareness to a Dark Topic - Out of the Darkness

September is National Suicide Awareness Month. Most of us have heard that Robin Williams suffered from depression before he took his life in August of 2014. What people do not realize is the massive number of people who battle depression every day. It is not in the news, and it creeps in taking people by storm. Most of the time, people do not even realize it has hit because they expect very specific symptoms to be exhibited.

When I was informed that I might be suffering from post-partum depression, I really didn't believe it. I wasn't crying ALL the time, nor did I just not want to do anything. I was extremely irritable and I just gave up the fight in certain areas with my children. I just didn't have the energy to keep it up. I never felt suicidal, so it couldn't be that bad ... right?

I finally went to seek assistance, but was informed that post-partum depression doesn't last past your baby's first year. Therefore, I must just be battling with anxiety instead. It might possibly be my bi-polar flaring up, but it definitely wasn't depression. I gave in to that response and didn't push it.

Until my babies were taken from me in August of 2012. The 22nd of August was single handledly the WORST DAY of my life. I had some pretty bad ones. My maternal grandma passed away right before Christmas in 2001 and my paternal grandpa passed away in 2011. But losing my kids was awful. Not only was it life altering ... I quickly found out who was and wasn't in my corner. Nothing gives you deeper depression than losing your children and then finding out you get to fight the battle by yourself (for the most part).

Unlike many others who battle depression, I had a very solid support system in my husband and a couple very close friends. They were there the entire step of the way, especially when I needed them the most. I got the help I needed and the correct diagnosis made. Once more, I got my children back and I know EXACTLY who I can turn to when things get bad.

Not everyone has this.

Source

Due to my experience with depression, I decided this year to participate in the annual Out of the Darkness walk. It benefits the largest support network for suicide awareness, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The walk in Kansas City will be held on October 2. Not only am I walking, but I am volunteering as well. Depression and mental health has become a passion of mine. I would love if you donated straight to my fundraising site, but I understand that people like to spend money and get something in return.

Therefore, I am teaming up with two of my really good friends who have been through everything with me. I am holding three parties that will act as fundraisers for this walk. You can purchase from ANY ONE of the links below during the next few weeks and designate the money to go towards the fundraiser.

Perfectly Posh - Products made in the USA without harmful chemicals specially designed to pamper your body.
Thirty-One - Known for their bags & purses, but this company has expanded to help organize and add flair to any aspect of your life.
Scentsy (you will need to designate Out of the Darkness upon checkout) - Add natural aroma to your home with warmers that melt wax or other scented products.

Again, if you don't want to make a purchase but wish to donate, I have a site set up WITH Out of the Darkness to accept those donations.

If you would like to learn more about the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, you can find them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. In addition, you can learn more about Out of the Darkness from their website or follow them on Facebook. If you have are battling with suicidal thoughts, please call 1-800- 273-TALK (8255) immediately! You are not alone!

*Note - All donations are 100% tax deductible!*

Tackling BIG Topics

Well, tonight was the 87th Annual Academy Awards ... otherwise known as the Oscars. Neil Patrick Harris did an EXCELLENT job as a host (totally not surprised). However, he broke through the stigma of being what you wear being important. How? By showing off his killer body in his tighty whities. Doogie - you are so cute.

I actually live tweeted the entire event and was really surprised with a few of the presentations and some of the winners. Let me give you my highlights and then give you the list of winners.

The first was DEFINITELY Patricia Arquette's acceptance speech. I was rooting for Meryl Streep to win Best Supporting Actress because I LOVED her role in Into the Woods. However, Patricia, well, I'll let the memes speak for me.

Or my favorite ... Meryl Streep's response!

“Yes,” says Meryl Streep. “Yes.” pic.twitter.com/sogBD0Dkkf

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) February 23, 2015

— ~ Emily (@ColoradoMom) February 23, 2015I totally agree, Meryl. That deserves a HUGE fist pump. And I will have this meme playing anytime I get something accomplished in my house.

Okay, moving on ... To recover from such a moving speech, Neil Patrick Harris broke the Oscars. Don't believe me?

Yup, that is Doogie Howser in nothing but tighty whities and black socks. I actually got this picture during the news recap because my brain couldn't function during the actual Oscars. I was too busy picking my jaw up off the ground.

However, the shock did wear off. While I was waiting for the next thing to blow me away, I was surprised to realize The Lego Movie was not nominated. The stupid song Everything is Awesome was. You know, really, that song wouldn't be so bad, but it gets stuck in my head EVERY time someone sings it ... and it gets sung anytime someone says something is awesome.

In addition to that shock, during the In Memoriam that Meryl Streep introduced, there were two very influential people who were ignored! Joan Rivers and Elaine Stritch both passed away in 2014 and neither were shown. I also am not sure why they only did sketches instead of showing live clips.

Before I forget ... John Travolta is a TOTAL creeper!

John Legend brought the feels back with Glory. Not one dry eye in the audience, and there were tears in my eyes at home. Then when they won Best Original Song they brought politics into the Oscars.

Right now, the struggle for freedom and justice is real. - John Legend

Following that moving speech, Lady Gaga came out to do a musical piece. I was prepared to be extremely irritated because it was the Sound of Music. You cannot mess with my childhood movie. There is no way I would EVER put Lady Gaga and Julie Andrews in the same room, but it is a good thing that I am not in charge. Lady Gaga totally blew me away. I forget that she can really sing. The feels happened when she was done giving me goosebumps. Julie Andrews gave her the biggest hug and major props.

Ignore the haters, Lady Gaga ... You rocked it!

Some other issues that were touched on were ALS, Alzheimer's and Suicide Awareness. Graham Moore won for Imitation Game and we are so glad that he didn't get cut off when he said he had one more thing. He admitted that he battled depression and attempted suicide when he was 16. He was so glad that he was still here, but he never felt like he fit in. He left us with the best piece of advice ... Stay Weird. Stay Different.

The Oscars brought tears of joy and tackled serious issues. My friend, Kelly, stated it best on her Twitter profile:



So, without further ado ... here are the winners of the 87th Annual Academy Awards:

• JK Simmons (Whiplash) - Best Supporting Actor


• Grand Budapest Hotel - Best Makeup


• Grand Budapest Hotel - Best Costume Design


• Ida - Foreign Language Film


• The Phone Call - Live Action Short Film


• Crisis Hotline:Veterans Press One - Documentary Short Subject


• Whiplash - Sound Mixing


• American Sniper - Sound Editing


• Patricia Arquette (Boyhood) - Actress in Supporting Role


• Intersteller - Visual Effects


• Feast - Animated Short


• Big Hero 6 - Best Animated Feature Film


• Grand Budapest Hotel - Production Design


• Birdman - Cinematography


• Whiplash - Film Editing


• CitizenFour - Documentary Feature


• Glory - Best Original Song


• Grand Budapest Hotel - Original Score


• Birdman - Original Screenplay


• The Imitation Game - Best Adapted Screenplay


• Birdman - Directing


• Eddie Redmayne (Theory of Everything) - Best Actor


• Julianne Moore (Still Alice) - Best Actress


• Birdman - Best Picture

Maintaining New Year's Resolutions - Getting Healthy

Last week I talked about maintaining your New Year's Resolution to lose weight. However, today's post is more about getting healthy. They are very different things. Not everyone who is at their ideal weight is healthy, in fact, some people may need to put on weight to become healthy. For most, an ASPECT of getting healthy is to lose weight ... but for our family, we have discovered there is a lot more to it.

I have stressed multiple times that I am working on bringing my mind, body, and soul to better health. That is one of the biggest things I hope to pass along with this blog. This includes weight loss, but it also means mental health, emotional health, stress management, and physical health. Let me expound on a few things that I am doing this year to help our family become healthy and stay that way.

This was our family in the fall of 2011 ... just as life began to spiral downhill ... but you would NEVER know it from this photo. My wonderful husband was working 70+ hours a week and my kids were being home schooled. Peanut had serious issues with bullying in the school she was at and Bullfrog was just too advanced for their curriculum. I was silently struggling with post-partum depression, low milk supply, and the overall burnout. We put on a very good front ... no one in our circle knew how bad things were. To everyone on the outside, our health as a family was great.

What I'm trying to say here is ... you are NOT alone and you do NOT have to feel ashamed for not having your life's health where you want it. Make it your goal this year to improve the following areas and you will find success everywhere. There are many days when I get to the end of the day and think to myself ... man alive, parenting SUCKS. However, I never reach the end of the day anymore and think, there is no hope for anything but what we have.



We have made a LOT of changes since October 2011. Obviously, we have added a family member (not the one on the far left, he's been around for a while now and we love him to bits). We have a LOT of room to improve; actually, I have a lot of room to improve. Here are some of the things I am working on to help get healthy this year.

Sleep

Before I would work until 2 to 3 in the morning. I would then be up by 8am to deal with the kids and maybe grab a few cat naps here and there. It was NOT working for me and everyone knew it. I was a grouch and lived on caffeine. I now make sure I am in bed by 1:30am at the very latest. I still get up around 8am with the girls, but I at least feel a little more rested. I also give myself the big OKAY to take a nap during the day. Turtle doesn't always nap, but she does get quiet time in her room by herself. It is a safe area and she can nap if she wants. During her quiet time, I sleep. I usually aim for a 2-hour nap but sometimes I only get about 90 minutes. While that may sound extreme, it is what works for our family. You need to find what works for your family so that you can function without the grumps.

Changing Diets

One of the biggest things that had bugged me about our financial state was our inability to be picky about what we ate. Having IBS, it made it difficult to eat so I wasn't struggling with intestinal issues. So, once we had the ability to tailor the diet, I did. This has become more important because Turtle has struggled since birth with constipation. In fact, we landed at Children's Mercy back in early 2014 because little girl was just breaking down in tears trying to go potty. We did EVERYTHING .. Miralax, increase fiber, increase juice (especially prune juice), increase water ... nothing was working. After talking with hubby and talking to a specialist about options ... we realized we had one last ditch effort. We are now a family who is gluten-free, lactose-free, and soy-free. It has been a HUGE change. It is too early for me to tell you all about the entire benefits we are seeing. Right now, we have just noticed that our little Turtle is no longer crying and struggling to pass even just a small amount of stool. The doctor did tell us that it will take a full two weeks to really see benefits and up to six months for the effects of everything to completely clear. We are hoping the transition continues to be an easy one. So far, we aren't having to fight too hard on it.

Household Duty Delegation

If there is one thing that drives me batty .. it is all the parent shaming. People feel they know what method is best and if you do something different, then you must be "bullied" about it. One of these areas ... household chores. I am a firm believer in delegation. If you HAVE the ability to hire a housekeeper ... DO! There is NOTHING wrong with it! Honestly, I would LOVE to someday be able to afford to have a personal chef come and make me breakfast and lunch ... I enjoy cooking dinner but the other two meals are such a chore for me. Wouldn't it be awesome to hire someone to come take something off your hands? Guess what ... you have children! Peanut and Bullfrog both have set chores they are responsible for each day. While we don't HAVE to pay them ... we do. Right now Monkey is working on picking up after herself, so we haven't looked to add anything else. Turtle is good to follow directions period ... so she's a work in progress. Until my husband took on a second job, he delegated the kitchen as his areas. Your health and the health of your family relationships depend on delegation. Hold a family meeting and get this sorted out ... sooner rather than later!

Here are a few other things that are helping me manage my stress, and improve my health:

• Art therapy - coloring, cross-stitch, embroidery, etc.


• Writing


• Exercise


• Talking with friends over a cup of something hot


• Date nights with hubby!! <- SO important


• Reading


• Simply getting out of the house by myself


• Pampering myself (makeup, massage, haircut, brows done, mani/pedi)


• Attend church & read scriptures

What are things you do to keep your mind, body, and soul healthy? Did you make a resolution to get healthy this year? What steps have you taken to make this a reality for you? Let me know in the comments below!

Suicide Awareness Day

Today, September 10th, is National Suicide Awareness Day. This is my 2nd Annual post about suicide awareness. While I suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder, I am one of the lucky that do not have suicidal tendencies. However, somewhere in the world, someone dies of suicide every 40 seconds. That is 90 people every hour, 2160 people every day, or just under 800,000 people every year.

The World Health Organization and the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) will co-sponsor World Suicide Prevention Day today. To commemorate this date, the MSW@USC invite everyone to participate in the 1000 Voices for Suicide Prevention. I am joining yet again.


Suicide claims the lives of nearly one million people every year ... this number exceeds the number of deaths due to war and homicide combined. Suicide awareness has become more noticeable due to the death of actor Robin Williams, but it is a shame that it took someone famous to bring awareness to such a terrible battle.

Source

While I take Prozac for anxiety and Lamictal to balance my moods ... I also talk to a therapist when I am struggling. The past couple years have been dark, and I have battled with thoughts in my head. While they have not been suicidal in nature, they have caused great disturbances and family strife. I know that my choices and my actions based on my irrational thoughts have caused others hardships that were not necessary. The worst thing is to feel outcast and judged for everything you do. It is important to let others know that when they are there for you, you are thankful. There is help and you are NEVER alone.

So this week, join the #NSPW movement and follow the events along with me!

Wednesday, September 10: Today is World Suicide Prevention Day! Follow the International Association of Suicide Prevention on Facebook for updates on their WSPD events.

Thursday, September 11, 6pm PT/9pm EST: @MSWatUSC will be moderating the #MacroSW tweet chat to discuss ways we can synchronize suicide prevention efforts between individuals and organizations around the country. RSVP for this event here.

Friday, September 12: Join us for a #NSPW Follow Friday! Tweet and mention individuals and organizations who you want to recognize as leaders in #suicideprevention and awareness advocacy work.



Spread the Word On Social Media:

For Collaborators:
Sample Tweet: I’m joining @MSWatUSC & 45+ experts for the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign. Read my post here: http://bit.ly/100Voices#NSPW

Sample Facebook Post: I’m joining over 45 experts in the field and USC School of Social Work for the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign. Check out my submission here:http://bit.ly/100Voices#NSPW

For Advocates:

Sample Tweet: @MSWatUSC joins together w/ 45+ experts for the 100 Voices for #SuicidePrevention campaign. Read Now: http://bit.ly/100Voices #NSPW

Sample Facebook Post: “USC School of Social Work has built a collaboration with over 45 leading voices in the suicide prevention field who have contributed guest posts, podcast interviews, PSA’s, and resources. Share the 100 Voices Campaign to raise awareness for this critical issue: http://bit.ly/100Voices#NSPW

Keep the suicide prevention and awareness conversation going on social media using the following hashtags:

• #suicideprevention
• #NSPW
• #stayalive
• #youarenotalone
• #itgetsbetter
• #saynotosuicide
• #stopsuicide
• #unsuicide
• #twloha
• #loveislouder

Thank you for raising awareness with us!

If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It is free and confidential.

What's your motivation?

Between KCMetromoms and Google Adsense, I got the point real quick ... I need to be blogging about motivation today. Why? Because I have NONE! So, I am hoping with writing about it, it might magically appear.

I will be starting a new series on Mondays called .... bum, bum, bum ... Motivation Monday. This (like many others) is the one day that I really have a hard time getting myself to do anything.

I have a motivation strategy .... I just have a hard time following it *laugh*

Step 1: Answer the question "why?"

 The question you must ask yourself is "why?" Why must I get up? Why must this be done? Why do I not want to do it? For some people, it is money. They have to get up to get to work and work pays the bills. For others (like me), the answer is children. If I do not get up, then the children will destroy the house, be late for school, and so forth.

The question of why it should be done, may not always be as easy. The reason is we may be doing something for reasons that are not necessary. You may feel you need to do something just to impress someone. There are a lot of possibilities, but if you can answer the question, then you often will find your motivation.

Finally, ask yourself why you don't want to do it. Are you tired? Are you burnt out? Are you just being lazy? I wished I had asked myself this a long time ago. I feel that the last two years may never have transpired if I did.

Step 2: The Force

The biggest part of getting motivation to do something is to fight the force. When you sit down, you have the law of inertia working against you. Things that are in motion, stay in motion. Therefore, if you get started on a project, you are more likely to finish it. Something I am supremely guilty of is taking a 5 minute break, getting on Facebook, and it is an hour later. I have been getting better and doing work while I am on the computer. Those times are fleeting as my girls love snuggles and book reading.

Step 3: Reward Yourself

When you accomplish a task that you were procrastinating or having a hard time building the motivation to do, reward yourself. After working out, reward yourself with a sweet healthy snack (popcorn or a small rice krispie treat). After working all day, reward yourself with a good book or a television show. There are many ways you can refill that energy cup and make it easier to keep up the routine.

So, as I am typing this, I am getting the motivation to write a few articles while my little girls nap. That will free me to spend some time cleaning their room when they wake. What helps spur your motivation?

Look at the two of us ...

Christmas Eve is only a day away. This day last year brought heartache, as we celebrated it with only one of our four children. So, today's prompt from the Blog Dare, really spoke to me.

August 22, 2012 was my life-changing event. I learned a lot about me, my husband, my friends, and my family. 328 days later (and a few hours), we were reunited after a lot of changes. In those 328 days, my husband and I formed a deeper bond than you could possibly imagine. Many people told us that we would never make it ... you know what, they said that about our marriage too. Marriage is a lot of work, but when you find the person who is perfect for you, you can do it. There were nights when he just held me as I cried, and others when he was sure to let me know how he was feeling.

328 days later, we came out on top and showed everyone that our love for our children was stronger than anything. That depression, bi-polar, and anxiety cannot prevent GOOD parenting from taking place.

So, look at the two of us ...
~ mid 30's and a family of 7 (one who is living with his mother but is definitely one of our family as well)
~ both working in our dream jobs (although mine was unknown for a long time
~ equal parenting of children who respect the changes that have been made

I went to a Mary Kay event with a dear friend last week. There was one statement that Linda Toupin stated, and I will carry with me for a LONG time.

"You can love the messenger, and not love the message. Sometimes, that message is wrong."

So, Jeremy and I have learned how to love people, but not the words that come out of their mouth. We have learned how to love people, but not the choices they make. After 328 days, we have learned how to work as a team, be there for each other, and have a family unit that is self-reliant. Look at the two of us .... we are succeeding.

Finding Gratitude

Everyone thinks about gratitude on Thanksgiving, but that is about the farthest it goes. I know it bugs me when people only post the things they are grateful for from November 1 through November 27. Then they go back to complaining on  November 29th. It is kind of crazy really.

For a person who has anxiety and OCD, it can be difficult to find gratitude. I joined a blog roll back in September for Suicide Awareness Day, and I was invited to blog roll for tomorrow.

USC’s Gratitude Campaign

1. Family

I know many people say they are thankful for their family, but my gratitude was pushed full into my face. I lost my children for 10 months and during those 10 months, my husband and I braved the fire. We passed the tests, we grew stronger, and we bonded together. Our relationship is stronger than it ever was and now that our children are home, my gratitude spills over.

2. REAL Friends

We learned in 10 short months who we could trust, who were only friends for appearances, and who we could truly rely on. We were very surprised where people ended up falling. The friends who are in my rely category know who they are ... There is NO doubt. We tell them as often as we can. They could have taken the time to turn their back and judge us, like many did, but they held firm and took our hands. They walked through the fire with us and helped heal the wounds when needed. I am so thankful to call them my friends.

3. Small blessings

I am thankful for small blessings. For the last three years, my husband and I have struggled financially. We had everything going the right way, so we decided to try to conceive. Succeeded, and then 8 weeks later my husband's checks were cut in half and I was out of work. We scrambled, worked payment plans, cut into our budget, and sought help.We expect to finally see the other side January 2014. We have been soooooo close the last few months but not just there. What has pushed us has been the small blessings we have received. One of those blessings came on Thanksgiving when we were gifted $50 to purchase a Thanksgiving meal for our family. It was courtesy of Scary Mommy & the Thanksgiving Project. We have every intention of being on the donating end next fall, to pass on the blessings that we have received.

So, what are you grateful for this year? How has this year changed your views? Let me know! There are so many more things I can add on here now that I have the grateful train moving. It is very true, positive thinking and smiles are quite contagious.

{PSA} With the holidays approaching

It is vitally important to remember that everyone has their own battles. How you treat someone could affect them positively or negatively.

~ There are some people who are only having a holiday meal because another family donates it.
~ There are some people who work 2-3 jobs to provide for their children, and daycare is provided by the state.
~ Most people who need food stamps are not out to mooch from the system.
~ Some people do not get a Christmas ... it isn't in the budget.
~ You do not have to be homeless to be down on your luck

Just because one battle may seem petty to you, it could be all encompassing to the person who is suffering. Think before you speak. Put yourself in someone else's shoes.

A smile goes a LONG way. While this needs to be done year round, it is extremely important around the holidays when people are already stressed and hurting.


~ end of my Public Service Announcement for today ~

Oct 15th: National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

This month is unbelievably hard on many families. It is the month when breast cancer awareness is pushed with pink ribbons and pink fountains. This is something that is near to my heart. I have lost several loved ones to this horrific disease. One who was just a few years older than me and left behind a husband and her young children. It runs in my family, and is something that I will have to inform my children about getting checks and making it a priority.

This month is also when awareness is brought about to those who suffer from SPD (sensory processing disorder). Again, this is near to my heart. My son has already been diagnosed and the case manager and therapist are fairly certain that my daughter will be as well. I am dreading the call to our county health department to have a psychiatrist brought in since she is just barely too old for Early Intervention. She missed the follow-up and and now that she is over 2, she does not meet their criteria. Life with my special needs children is NOT easy and leaves me wishing for a tall glass of wine most evenings. I love them to death and we are learning together as a family how to help them handle the "real" world with the least amount of stress.

However, this month is also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month and today is the actual awareness day.


I wish I could say that I never went through the pain of miscarrying, but that isn't the case. I went through it more than once and the pain leaves a void. It does not matter whether that loss occurs at 5 weeks, or if the child is still born. The loss is very real and very painful. Today I have been reflecting on my losses and remembering family members and friends who have lost children at birth, shortly after, and then years after. My heart breaks with every story I hear. Before you judge someone for the grief they are feeling, and whether they should just "get over it" ... take a minute to think about carrying a living being inside you and then having it ripped from your dreams. I am not just a statistic ... I am a mother, I am a fighter, and I still miss my babies. Visit Faces of Loss to see others who are just like me, read their stories, feel their pain.

Talking Serious Right Now

USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.

*may contain hard to read information*

I like to keep my blog uplifting and down to Earth. Unfortunately, there are life events that do not always allow that to happen. Everyone knows the past year has been extremely tough on my family and I am very thankful for my husband. He was there beside me every step of the way.

Let's back up a bit.


I was SO excited to be expecting again in 2010. We had been trying for almost a year. Throughout those 9 months, life began to hit some real hard bumps. We weathered the storm but it was not without damage. I fell into a depression and it became full blown PPD (post-partum depression) shortly after Monkey was born. I tried to seek help but kept hitting roadblocks. Jeremy wasn't sure what was wrong and had no clue about PPD. We continued to weather the storm ... but not as well.

August 22, 2012 life stopped. CPS came, cops came, code enforcement came ... everyone left ... including my children. I cannot begin to tell you what that did to me. Emotionally and physically. I have had MANY people ask me how I managed to stay positive over the course of 11 months while we worked to get our children back home with us. I must say it was because of the help the state gave us and my supportive husband.

That support is not something everyone has however ... which is why September 10th is an EXTREMELY important date. It is Suicide Prevention Day. While I was never suicidal during those long, dark days ... I know many who have battled suicidal thoughts. BlogHer and many others are teaming up and talking about experiences and support for Suicide Prevention. Support to show that we understand ... life SUCKS. It is HARD and it is not always fair. Depression is something that is REAL and even if people do not talk about it, it does not mean they are not fighting it. They are not lazy ... they are not seeking attention ... they are not pessimists ... they have a void.



USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.  

If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273- (8255). It is free and confidential.

 
 RIP Don Harman - Loved by THOUSANDS around the KC Metro  

Source

 

Loss of a Celeb

I spent some time trying to figure out what to name this blog post. Kansas City lost a very prominent figure but as much as he is a celebrity, he was a friend to almost everyone. Don Harman has worked for Fox4 as a weatherman for as long as I can remember being in Kansas City. He was always super funny and even after his baby girl was born, seemed to be chipper. He would talk about his family and ask for ideas. He would respond to emails and questions on Facebook. He made mornings start with a smile, regardless of how late I had been up or how little sleep I had gotten. I am reading stories from people who talk about how he would penpal their children ... things he has done for charity ... his love for teaching oddities of weather and science. I will forever miss Don Harman and what he has done for Kansas City. I ache for his family and for Fox4 as a whole. He leaves behind shoes that will be very hard to fill.

That brings me to another issue today brought. I was asked about Don Harman news last night ... LAST NIGHT. Apparently some news station in another town had a slip-up and said something. I did a lot of investigating and was pretty much confirmed before I went to bed but I said NOTHING because Fox4 was very clear that we should respect family. *which was also what was pretty clear* Got up this morning and there was nothing mentioned on the news about anyone passing away ... just simply a statement that people had questions and while they respect those questions, family comes first. So again, I said nothing specific. I knew for certain but was respectful of the family. What upsets me greatly is EVERYONE else in the KC metro who claim to respect Fox4 and the family and yet blasted his name and R.I.P. Could you imagine what it would have been like to see that on Facebook if you didn't know and you were a family member. The thought devastates me ... and angers me. I can't believe the lack of tact and the rudeness MANY of the residents in my city showed by starting a fan group saying RIP (which was open for ANYONE to see) and claiming they had the right to put it up. Sure, you have the right but it is still tactless.  I think anyone that was careless enough to post his name before an official announcement was made was disrespectful. I was very careful in my wording and was thanked for it by the Fox4 team. Death is a very sensitive thing and what people don't realize is while you were watching him on tv for the last 10 years ... the family at Fox4 were working side by side and dealing with that persons ups and downs for the last 10 years. I can not imagine the amount of pain they are in. I can't imagine the questions that are going through their minds. Were there signs they should have seen? Could they have done anything to prevent this? All of the what ifs. Don leaves behind a wife and a very young daughter who will never get to see how hilariously funny her dad could be. A daughter who will never have her dad prep her for dating and deal with heartbreak. A dad who will never be there to walk her down the aisle or be there when her child takes his/her first breath. All of these things just break my heart. I can not begin to imagine how much pain he must have been in to think that this was it. I don't think it was too much to ask to not put anything on social media until after an official statement had been released. While KC Star says that Mark Alford read something at 4:45am, no one who I know was up at that time watching saw it and it was most definitely not on their website, Twitter or Facebook pages. All that was said was to respect family. :'( I just had expected so much more out of Kansas City ... especially with someone who had nothing but Kansas City at heart when he did things. *sigh*