Oct 15th: National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

This month is unbelievably hard on many families. It is the month when breast cancer awareness is pushed with pink ribbons and pink fountains. This is something that is near to my heart. I have lost several loved ones to this horrific disease. One who was just a few years older than me and left behind a husband and her young children. It runs in my family, and is something that I will have to inform my children about getting checks and making it a priority.


This month is also when awareness is brought about to those who suffer from SPD (sensory processing disorder). Again, this is near to my heart. My son has already been diagnosed and the case manager and therapist are fairly certain that my daughter will be as well. I am dreading the call to our county health department to have a psychiatrist brought in since she is just barely too old for Early Intervention. She missed the follow-up and and now that she is over 2, she does not meet their criteria. Life with my special needs children is NOT easy and leaves me wishing for a tall glass of wine most evenings. I love them to death and we are learning together as a family how to help them handle the "real" world with the least amount of stress.

However, this month is also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month and today is the actual awareness day. I wish I could say that I never went through the pain of miscarrying, but that isn't the case. I went through it more than once and the pain leaves a void. It does not matter whether that loss occurs at 5 weeks, or if the child is still born. The loss is very real and very painful. Today I have been reflecting on my losses and remembering family members and friends who have lost children at birth, shortly after, and then years after. My heart breaks with every story I hear. Before you judge someone for the grief they are feeling, and whether they should just "get over it" ... take a minute to think about carrying a living being inside you and then having it ripped from your dreams. I am not just a statistic ... I am a mother, I am a fighter, and I still miss my babies. Visit Faces of Loss to see others who are just like me, read their stories, feel their pain.

Source

Miss Willow Ambher Rose

BARELY on 12/5/12, we got to meet the little one that has been causing me TONS of grief in the womb. She is absolutely perfect. 8lbs, 4oz, and 21" long ... with a lot of dark brown/black hair and dark eyes. She loves to nurse and cuddle. Too bad having her was not a walk in the park.


My labor started at 5:30am with having 2 doses of cytotec as my wonderful doctor fought to have my wishes listened to. I must say that for the most part ... no strike that, despite the struggle at the end, this delivery was my best delivery. I had a doctor that listened to my wishes and I was pain free for almost all of it!

Around 9pm, troubles began. We started to have a serious increase in pain, out of the blue. I got some IV pain meds and waited for the epidural. The epi was no sooner put in that I started the transition phase (as always - growl). I went from 6-10 in a matter of 2 1/2 hours. The pain was horrific from 8-10 cm (we later found out why). Thanks to some AWESOME doctors, Willow was born without a c-section and I have no idea if that would have been the case anywhere else. One of the doctors went in and physically dislodged Willow from my pelvic bone during some contractions and then during delivery helped maneuver her through. She was born sunny side up ... meaning she was facing the ceiling. She had a bowel movement after the water broke so she went to the NICU for less than a minute just to make sure her breathing was good. I am VERY sore and exhausted, but I could not have asked for a better delivery. I am very thankful to a great staff at KU for watching out for my needs and listening to all my wishes. It made my last delivery one of the best I could have hoped for.

Holy Cow ... it's time (well, tomorrow)

I go to the hospital tomorrow morning to start the process of meeting my baby! We will find out hopefully the same day (baby does have his/her own schedule), whether we are adding a Patrick Arlen Cole or a Willow Ambher Rose to our family. I go between being overly ready ... to overwhelmed!


Realized today is my last day to cram as much stuff in as possible before having to find any ounce of energy to do anything. So, I am hoping to get ALL the dishes done, laundry put away, more laundry done, van cleaned out, car seat installed, front porch swept, and then any final prepping to make the house easy to manage over the next week. Probably clean and organize my fridge and freezer too.

I have been nesting a lot the past few days but I still feel like there is so much to do. Why is it once you are ready ..... you aren't!?

ALMOST BABY TIME!

My due date is officially today, however, odds are not looking good that I will have baby today. Not too surprising for us, even though I have been having a LOT of contractions. We are getting VERY impatient for baby to join our happy home. I will find out on Monday what our eviction date will be.


This pregnancy has brought with it so many ups and downs. I am definitely sure this NEEDS to be my last baby. My body has finally gotten to the point where it just cannot handle pregnancy anymore. I have had plus leukocytes, but no infection. I have had weird readings on my Gestational Diabetes testing. Went in to Labor & Delivery yesterday for a NST (non-stress test) because my blood pressure was SUPER high on Sunday. Labs showed no pre-eclampsia and the NST came back looking great as well. There really have been no answers for anything!

If you want to join our baby pool and put in your guess ... Feel free! We do NOT know gender so make your guesses.
Heather's Baby Pool

Half Way (among other things)

Several things to note:
1) I forgot to post an update yesterday. In my defense ... my brain was on errand and tech mode. I actually forgot a couple other things I was supposed to do yesterday as well. Whoops!
2) We got RAIN yesterday!!! It wasn't all day or even a good soaker, but it was still RAIN!
 

3) Yesterday was Starbucks free tall "sample" of their new Refreshers. I must say ... not a fan. *sigh* It really is not what I look for in a drink. It wasn't satisfying and reminded me a lot of jazzed up Crystal Light. Guess my pocket book will remain safe. Which is good because I still REALLY like their steamers, herbal tea, and the Strawberry's & Cream drink. If you like Crystal Light, then I would suggest you try out the Starbucks Refresher drink. They have 2 flavors: Very Berry Hibiscus (what I tried) and the Lemon Lime.

4) Also yesterday was a milestone for our family! I am officially half way through my pregnancy! We have 20 weeks to go! *just a side note - that means there is only 23 weeks until Christmas*

I think I am carrying high ...

Tonight we get to watch the Jungle Book combo musical at Theater in the Park. My kids are super excited and I am thankful for some cooler temperatures!

My beautiful bouquet of roses ... hubby knows I love the purple, and dislike the red!

Realization is setting in

Friday marked 9 full weeks pregnant. We thought we were farther along but the u/s showed the baby was a lot younger. The heartbeat was good and the legs and arms are just forming. I just can't believe that I am pregnant.


I wish I could say that this was a wanted thing and that we have been trying to conceive, but reality is that we assumed Monkey would be our last. We did what we could to prevent having another while breastfeeding. Some people are super excited for us and some think I am stupid. It is what it is though and there is nothing that can change it. My children are excited and I am getting there. Morning sickness has been plaguing me for weeks now, but I have the help of a wonderful lay midwife/herbalist who is keeping me sane.

Monkey is officially moved into the girl's room and sleeping through the night. We credit that, though, to her wearing a disposable over night. I was hoping she would be an all cloth baby, especially with her sensitivities, but I value sleep. She doesn't seem to have too many problems with the disposable overnight only. Monkey is also beginning to walk and will clap when we cheer for her. I can't believe she is almost 13 months old, it feels like just yesterday she was born ....

In just under 8 months, I will be starting all over again. Our due date is anywhere from November 30th to December 2nd.

Holy Cow!!

It has been a VERY busy few days! Friday and Saturday I was barely home and barely sitting down. We got Jeremy a '95 Celica and I apologize for no photos yet. Hopefully will get that done tomorrow. I have gotten ALL the laundry done in the house but my body was paying for all the flurry of activity. By last night I couldn't move ... at all. :(


Friday - Our dear friends, also the parents of my kids best friends, took both our children overnight so that we could have a date night. Jeremy and I went to Famous Dave's for their Two-Feast for $22.22. :D We didn't come near finishing even half of it but we had a GREAT time just sitting and chatting. I also made the cakes for the kids' food class on Saturday since we got done car shopping SO late. They wanted banana flavored so I made a white cake and added banana extract. Tastes GREAT.

Saturday - We took the kids to their food class and got laundry loaded up to take to the mat. We were blown away with how well Peanut did on her first cake! Bullfrog wanted his to look like there was a party going on, and we think he successfully got that! After an eventful day, I laid down with my feet propped up and we put on Red. AWESOME movie. Must own, in my opinion. However, by the time I got up to go into the bedroom, I was in tears due to the round ligament pain. Bummer. Spent most of Sunday AM on bedrest and popping Tylenol every 4 hours.

Sunday - We did the kids cake pops today. I have a LONG way to go before they will look professional or even beautiful but I tell ya, they taste AWESOME! I made a total of 50 of them and we couldn't find any lollipop sticks. So, I found pencil toppers and decided that we would use un-sharpened pencils for a double cool with the kids. They will get to eat the snack and keep the pencil! Here is Peanut with one of the 50 I made for their classes. Yes, they think they will be the coolest kids on the block which makes me feel AWESOME.

Another rollercoaster day!

We didn't start the day off on a good foot. It was snowing and was SUPER cold so the roads were HORRENDOUS. I was not happy that they didn't delay the start of school and we barely were able to make it. The roads were worse than they were following our massive snow blizzard last week when they did cancel snow. I was baffled. Even a one hour delay of school would have been ideal. By the time I got my son from school, the roads were beginning to clear up.


Unfortunately, I got absolutely no nap in today because I was battling with IRS, Liberty Tax and our bank to locate where our refund was ... after a 10 hour run around and avoidance of phone calls (finally a few threats of the BBB being notified to be dealing with the situation, sheesh) we MAY have it situated. We will find out tomorrow morning. GRRRRRR.

Anyway, so thanks to an over zealous supervisor at my husband's company, he was unable to make our appointment today for the baby. This was the first pre-natal visit he has missed but the worst part, it was a sono. :( Even worse, we found out that it will be the last sono since the baby is super healthy. Of course that is a good thing ... but sad at the same time. I was excited to possibly have another sono at 36 weeks. Our baby has chubby cheeks and a head full of hair, currently weighing in at 5 lbs and 5 oz! Unfortunately, baby is still breech but I'm not too concerned yet.

After the appointment, went to get Peanut. She skipped to the car and got in and said no bad green notes but she came home with a green slip. It was a GOOD green note!! She has increased her Accelerated Reading level by quite a bit in only a few months. YAY!!

After all this, a migraine has set in so I am calling it a day and turning lights off until it is time to take my husband to work. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new and better day!

Weekend of nothing

Well, by the end of Friday, I could hardly walk I was in SO much pain. Jeremy decided that I was to do NOTHING this weekend and basically I was put on bed rest. It was a free weekend for us so it was kind of hard not to feel blah about not getting things done, HOWEVER by Sunday night, the pain was gone. Not really sure what this will mean for me come my appointment on Wednesday. The pain is already starting to come back today after running kids around and running errands. Not a good sign. Hopefully it is something the doctor and help me deal with and I won't get the dreaded bed rest words spoken! I am officially 33 weeks and have 27 days until I am officially full term. I am VERY excited but officially over the "happy to be pregnant" stage. I have hit the "how many more weeks until I get to meet my little one" stage. However, that does not mean that I am anywhere NEAR ready in my house! With Jeremy's ankle injury, it really has set us back quite a bit. We are hoping to get some stuff done this weekend, even if it means I sit and tell Jer and who ever helps where to put things.


Today was a rough day learning wise. Peanut is struggling with math concepts and continues to bring home work sheets for us to have her correct and us sign. Of course this upsets her as much as it does us. So I went off to the library and printed off worksheets. I think I will go to Mardel's this weekend and look for a few books to help her out. Lucky for me, she doesn't mind doing worksheets to learn. It isn't the WANTING to learn ... it is the ABSORBING the information she seems to have problems with. I have decided I will just have her do 3-4 worksheets every night until she grasps each concept. If there is one thing I remember from my parents ... REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW. I can't even remember how many times they had me do worksheets and write math problems out on scrap paper to pass time in the car. Math was never a SUPER strong point for me but I did well in it. The best part of the evening was her going to bed all chipper because she felt that she FINALLY understood it. We will simply review it again this week and by the end of the week, she should ace her quiz! Of course, Bullfrog just absorbs new concepts like a sponge right now so we are teaching the children that everyone is just different in how they pick up on stuff. Peanut's biggest issue is she tries to do everything in her head and we are trying to get her to learn to write out her thought process so that when she makes a mistake, it is easier to figure out exactly WHERE that mistake was made.

The other thing we enjoyed over the weekend was the weather. Peanut left to go to her BFF's house on Friday evening and returned home on Sunday morning. While Bullfrog got a lot of outdoor play time and freedom from having to play with his sister. He REALLY enjoyed himself. Which I am really glad because our temperatures are going to drop dramatically tomorrow. We aren't supposed to get much snow in the KC Metro (main) but our temperatures will most likely be in the single digits. I can not wait until the weekend when they are talking possible 50 degrees. YAY!
Over the weekend, Bullfrog built a HUGE Lincoln Log castle and just HAD to show it off. :D He is my little architect.

Happy Monday ...

Well today braxton hicks have been plaguing my day. I walk around, they go away. I sit down on the couch or car and they come back. So, I am going to grab some Gatorade and see if electrolytes help because I am about watered out! I wouldn't be concerned so much but they just seem pretty frequent today. Not painful and not regular though. Just trying to ease my nerves.
Today came several decisions ...

1) We are going to make a "Pony Express" run to Manhattan on Saturday. We have stuff to pick up for ourselves and others as well as stuff to drop off. Message me if you need anything transferred from Manhattan to Kansas City or vice versa!

2) We are changing our baby theme from Dr Seuss to Monkeys. Since we haven't gotten anything Dr Seuss related yet, and we haven't gone shopping, I don't see a problem. Plus, we got a VERY cute monkey outfit that is gender neutral and it has been decided that it will be our going home outfit.

3) It is too nice outside for kids to be inside. This week, the kids will be kicked outside as much as possible!

4) Gonna have to make pizzas and freeze them. My daughter has gotten to the point where she doesn't really care for store bought pizzas. Not saying that's a bad thing AT ALL, just more work for the momma lady! :)

Frustrations mounting

Well, this is a long awaited post. I kept hoping I would have SOME news before blogging about everything but unfortunately, it looks like I may have to wait quite awhile. So, here goes nothing about what little I know.
For those who hadn't been told yet, we WERE expecting another little person in October and we were SO excited. We had been trying for several months, planning for longer than that, and then started the process of preparing the house (hence the decluttering that has come to a grinding halt). Well, spring break was not a great one for the Birdwell household. Jeremy has been battling a migraine and possible ear infection, we got word that Bullfrog might have a perforated ear drum (has an appointment tomorrow with an ENT and we will know more then) and then I lost my child on Friday. Which is when the blessing turned into a nightmare. I am currently in the state of an incomplete miscarriage in which my doctor wants to perform a 20 minute operation to finish the process. We found out the baby had no heartbeat on Friday after being 10 weeks along. Friday night I nearly ended up in the ER and should have gone in (hindsight's 20/20). Planned the d&c on Tuesday but found out the insurance wasn't going to pay anything until we paid our $2000 deductible. There is no guarantee they would pay 100% after that as we have a family deductible as well. I researched online and found that there is a medication that I could be prescribed but the nurses at my dr office CLAIM that the d&c is the only option outside of waiting it out. They want me to opt for the payment plan. I am sorry but that would be my entire paycheck for a year to get it all paid off and I am not about to put our family in a financial bind for something that women have dealt with for years without medical intervention. We had a reschedule for tomorrow because the dr was going to take on the insurance but obviously that went bunk so surgery cancelled, again. At least I am cleared to work again. It is really hard to get past this when it keeps rearing its ugly head and reminding me.

So, I am starting to make new goals because this has set me way back in the house area. I haven't been able to do much until the past day or so and I am still pretty fatigued. My first major goal is to do more things with my kids so that I will hopefully boost my energy a bit. I am trying to be happy for family and friends who are due in the next few months but right now, I apologize, it is hard. The next big thing on my goal list is to get help to paint our kids' walls back to white and redo the garden so we can plant something. Keep my hands and mind occupied.

Bullfrog will be enrolling in Kindergarten next Friday and he is super excited about that. Looks like I will be kid free from 8am to 11am M-F starting mid-August. Amazing. Not sure what I will do with myself yet. Sure I will book myself up soon enough though.

Peanut started 4-H last month but was initiated into the Oxford Hustlers a couple weeks ago. She is a Clover Bud and her best friend is an actual 4-Her. We have recruited one other little girl and possibly a second as I have yet to talk to her dad again about going. Peanut is so happy to have made so many new friends and she enjoyed participating in the St. Patrick's Day parade in Shawnee, KS a couple weeks ago.

So, outside of frustrations with the health care system, things are going okay. We are taking Jeremy to a Take Care clinic tomorrow to get his ear infection treated and Bullfrog will be looked at tomorrow morning. Hopefully it is just crap in his ear and not a perforated ear drum. Saturday we will be in Paola for a short time and then possibly have grandma and aunt time later in the evening.