Suicide Awareness Day

Today, September 10th, is National Suicide Awareness Day. This is my 2nd Annual post about suicide awareness. While I suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder, I am one of the lucky that do not have suicidal tendencies. However, somewhere in the world, someone dies of suicide every 40 seconds. That is 90 people every hour, 2160 people every day, or just under 800,000 people every year.

The World Health Organization and the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP) will co-sponsor World Suicide Prevention Day today. To commemorate this date, the MSW@USC invite everyone to participate in the 1000 Voices for Suicide Prevention. I am joining yet again.

Suicide claims the lives of nearly one million people every year ... this number exceeds the number of deaths due to war and homicide combined. Suicide awareness has become more noticeable due to the death of actor Robin Williams, but it is a shame that it took someone famous to bring awareness to such a terrible battle.

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While I take Prozac for anxiety and Lamictal to balance my moods ... I also talk to a therapist when I am struggling. The past couple years have been dark, and I have battled with thoughts in my head. While they have not been suicidal in nature, they have caused great disturbances and family strife. I know that my choices and my actions based on my irrational thoughts have caused others hardships that were not necessary. The worst thing is to feel outcast and judged for everything you do. It is important to let others know that when they are there for you, you are thankful. There is help and you are NEVER alone.

So this week, join the #NSPW movement and follow the events along with me!

Wednesday, September 10: Today is World Suicide Prevention Day! Follow the International Association of Suicide Prevention on Facebook for updates on their WSPD events.

Thursday, September 11, 6pm PT/9pm EST: @MSWatUSC will be moderating the #MacroSW tweet chat to discuss ways we can synchronize suicide prevention efforts between individuals and organizations around the country. RSVP for this event here.

Friday, September 12: Join us for a #NSPW Follow Friday! Tweet and mention individuals and organizations who you want to recognize as leaders in #suicideprevention and awareness advocacy work.



Spread the Word On Social Media:

For Collaborators:
Sample Tweet: I’m joining @MSWatUSC & 45+ experts for the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign. Read my post here: http://bit.ly/100Voices#NSPW

Sample Facebook Post: I’m joining over 45 experts in the field and USC School of Social Work for the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign. Check out my submission here:http://bit.ly/100Voices#NSPW

For Advocates:

Sample Tweet: @MSWatUSC joins together w/ 45+ experts for the 100 Voices for #SuicidePrevention campaign. Read Now: http://bit.ly/100Voices #NSPW

Sample Facebook Post: “USC School of Social Work has built a collaboration with over 45 leading voices in the suicide prevention field who have contributed guest posts, podcast interviews, PSA’s, and resources. Share the 100 Voices Campaign to raise awareness for this critical issue: http://bit.ly/100Voices#NSPW

Keep the suicide prevention and awareness conversation going on social media using the following hashtags:

• #suicideprevention
• #NSPW
• #stayalive
• #youarenotalone
• #itgetsbetter
• #saynotosuicide
• #stopsuicide
• #unsuicide
• #twloha
• #loveislouder

Thank you for raising awareness with us!

If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It is free and confidential.

It's been rough

You ever have those days where you don't want to talk to people because you have absolutely nothing nice to say? Yup, it has been one of those weeks. I have had one of those weeks where almost everything either annoys me or I am just not "not feeling it."

However, with it being Mother's Day, I am pulling out of my funk long enough to write a post.

In May of 2002, I became a wife and learned I would be a mother only 7 weeks later. A pregnancy during the first year of marriage is one way to see how strong your marriage will be. We learned very early that we could lean on each other to push through the tough times. I became a mother on February 28, 2003. Peanut took FOREVER to enter the world and there were talks of possible c-sections. She came out on her own schedule at 10:01pm and has been the face of a million expressions ever since.

We discovered in November of 2002 that we were expecting again. We were scared and unsure what to do. We lost the child only three weeks later, but we realized that we were definitely called to have more than one child. We decided to start trying in early 2003 for another child.

My labor with Bullfrog was extremely difficult and I couldn't bring myself to even think about pregnancy or deliver for several years. When he was four, we started trying to have a child again. We were where we wanted to be financially and really enjoying life. We were blessed a pregnancy finally in the beginning of 2010. Jeremy and I could not have been happier. However, our happiness was dashed when I suffered a miscarriage in March of 2010, at 12 weeks. We found out the child had died around 9 weeks of age. We had to go through the pain of a natural miscarriage since our insurance would not cover a medicinal one. It didn't break our hopes. We restarted trying and became pregnant in late June 2010.

Monkey joined our family on April 7, 2011. Her childhood was plagued with difficulty with weight gain. We decided that our family was complete and began to settle down. However, God had other plans for us. I got real sick in late March 2012 and we were pretty sure I was pregnant. It took a LONG time for the pregnancy tests to tell us what we already knew. An unplanned pregnancy, and one that threw my entire life for a loop (dealing with PPD, financial strain, and pregnancy), I was worried how our family would cope. I remained faithful, even with the trials we went through after August of 2012, and in December (a week after my due date), I would deliver my final child.

Every Mother's Day has brought a time to reflect on my life and how much I have grown. I have been a parent for just over 11 years, but I have learned a lot. I am now preparing to enter the life of a mom of a teenager and I am not sure I am ready for it. However, just as I was not sure I was ready to be a parent, I have faith that the Lord will guide me through.

I have some of the BEST friends to help me along the way, and a husband who is my rock. With faith, hope, and love ... I will continue to parent my children to the best of my ability.

Happy Mother's Day to all those who are parents of children, parents of fur babies, parents who have lost a child, and women who long to have a child of their own. You are all loved and thought of this day.

Still working on conquering fear

So, my writing prompt today was this picture. I have to start this with the acknowledgement that I have a LONG way to go with conquering my fear.

I think that one of my biggest goals this year is to be able to work through my anxieties. I don't know how successful I will be, but I need to at least make small steps. I have developed serious anxieties through the trials and tribulations I have gone through. Being honest, I am being treated for social anxiety and General Anxiety Disorder. I have things that help me through my anxiety. If anyone else is having problems with anxiety, you are not alone! It is not imaginary. However, I am also learning that you do not have to live with it ruling over you.

First, we need to define the difference between worrying and anxiety disorder. I am going to define it as my therapist stated to me. For the longest time, I was convinced I was just a worry wort and needed to get over it. I am learning, however, that I have anxieties that are disrupting my ability to live a normal, healthy life. GAD is better shown as:

 

Friends: One of my biggest sources of support with my struggles are with my friends. I have a couple very close friends that I can talk to. It is really awesome to have people in my life that I know I can just vent to and they understand. They are the ones that know me well enough to know that parties are such a HUGE deal for me. As I have stated before, I love to plan parties but I have a great tendency of cancelling when the date comes. If I can find an out, I will take it. Thankfully, I have friends that understand this and make sure that I feel comfortable and can talk about things.

Self-Soothing: Another method that I have used to deal with my anxiety is with self-soothing methods. From the time a person is born, they find ways to soothe their anxieties. Infants nurse or cling close to their parents, toddlers will find a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, and children will begin to learn how to deal with changes. Through experiences that happen through life, your ability to handle everything will change. You develop fears based on things that scared you in the past. I am beginning to learn methods of self-soothing that will help me deal with the fear and anxiety of the unknown. One is to sleep. I am starting to sleep on things and try not to panic immediate. The other is being okay with crying. It sounds childish, but sometimes with a good cry, I just feel better. You can also use meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, and exercises.

So, with all that said, I am still growing and learning. I do seek therapy and am looking at re-starting Cognitive Behavior Therapy where they will work on calming my anxieties. I am also on medication. I wish I could give you more advice to dealing with anxiety, or state that it is a game, but I can't. I really enjoy being out of the house, but it isn't as easy as just jumping in the car and going. If someone tells you that they have trouble getting out and doing things, don't assume they are lazy. I leave my comfort zone for my children. It takes a LOT of work, but I know how much it makes them happy to do things. You are not alone and it is not something to be ashamed of. I am looking forward to continuing to grow and break some of the barriers I have built in my life.

Taking Back the Control - Discredit the Myths

I am a Type A person. I do not like to get behind on my work, and I will often take on more than I probably can handle. Okay, so not probably ...definitely cannot handle without rearranging my life. I hate when things are out of my control. I will have anxiety attacks and become irritable. I do not have the ability to see things clearly, and I feel everything is a personal attack. I am sure that many others have felt this way as well. I have felt that I was personally attacked over the last year, and I hate it. I hate my gut questioning every look, every question, every whisper. I got an email letting me know about a free webinar that was going to take place this week. Even better is the fact that the videos are available after the call so I can watch them at my leisure. Watching the Mom Is In Control Telesummit, I had my ah ha moment. 

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I have been letting others make me feel inferior because I lacked the knowledge of how to take control of my life. Last night I spent reflecting on decisions I had made based on reactions instead of conscious decisions. I realized that I needed to take the power and control back. The only way to do that is through dispelling the myths that I had come to believe.

1. Pictures are Misleading - You see pictures in magazines, on the Internet, or scrolled in television commercials. They show children that love on each other and the house looks spotless. The parents give some line about this program that they have used, and it has created bliss. Do NOT buy it. I am not saying that they do not have a MORE blissful life now (cause I do) or that their children do not love each other (cause mine do). I am also not claiming that homes are not spotless (cause mine is now AFTER the children go to bed), but I am saying that you should not believe it happens around the clock. Kids will be defiant. They will yell at you and yell at their siblings. They will trash the house and make you cry.

Just because there are pictures you see show blissfully sleeping children, pristine homes, great relationships ... it does not mean it is always that way. It also does not mean it was that way minutes before the photograph was taken.

2. Breaks in Routine Cause Bad Chaos - Routines are great. They really are. However, spontaneity does not always cause bad chaos. Shaking up a routine every now and then is a great way to reconnect with your children. It is also a cheap way to reward them. Let them stay up an extra 30 minutes out of the blue. When they ask why, you can simply let them know because they have just really impressed you lately. Have a picnic on your living room floor instead of at the kitchen table. The options are limitless. I do understand that there are children who do not fair well with change (I have one), but I can tell you that every once in a while, even that child loves a shake-up.

3. Peaceful Road Trips are Possible - You will find that no matter how much you plan, you will not always have a great road trip. Accept it, get comfortable with the notion, and then do the best you can to plan for any possible meltdowns. The key to long car rides is your ability to adapt. Having snacks, games, coloring sheets, and plenty of breaks is the best way. Where many families go wrong, is they assume the faster they get to the destination, the better. With children, this is not the case. Take your time, allow your child to decompress every now and then. Planning for the discomfort of road trips will make the trip more peaceful.

4. Stay-at-home Moms Should Have Spotless Homes - This is the DUMBEST thing that has EVER been said. I joke because I will let my kids make crafts so that I have the ability to clean up the mess they made in the living room. They are almost 3 and 1, so they don't fully understand putting everything back away, but they try. I will have trails of Cheerios and bread crumbs. After letting them do crafts, I have to clean the table. After letting them play in their room, I have to help them put everything back. I have not even touched the dishes, bathrooms, windows (that have little finger prints on them), and so on. Most of that is all done after they go to bed. So when someone visits me during the day, they get to experience life with the little ones, and I am okay with that. Just because I stay at home, I do not put my child in a playpen with a couple rattling toys and keep my home pristine. Just because I work from home, does not mean that I will send my child to a daycare so that I can have my house in a spotless condition. I work from home so I can spend time with my children. (I know, kind of a DUH thought there).

5. Ages and Stages - Do not let ANYONE tell you that your child will be awful just because they are 2. Your child is exploring boundaries. By allowing that in a safe manner, you will prevent the meltdowns. My 2 year old has very few meltdowns. She is a very active child and into a lot of stuff. She is very mouthy (needs to chew, lick, suck on everything), and she loves to stand on things. We give her things that are okay for that. She has a need to touch bumpy things. We give her shirts that allow her to play with her belly button and let her have sensory books. Just because someone else says something about children at specific ages or stages, it does not make it true. Just as the statement your child will always be sick in public school is not true. My children do not come home sick very often. Take care of your health and perception, and then you will see a change in your reality.

Take control of your life. This is my personal growth. The ability to change my perception and not let anyone make me feel a certain way. It is going to be a long process, but this is step one.

Look at the two of us ...

Christmas Eve is only a day away. This day last year brought heartache, as we celebrated it with only one of our four children. So, today's prompt from the Blog Dare, really spoke to me.

August 22, 2012 was my life-changing event. I learned a lot about me, my husband, my friends, and my family. 328 days later (and a few hours), we were reunited after a lot of changes. In those 328 days, my husband and I formed a deeper bond than you could possibly imagine. Many people told us that we would never make it ... you know what, they said that about our marriage too. Marriage is a lot of work, but when you find the person who is perfect for you, you can do it. There were nights when he just held me as I cried, and others when he was sure to let me know how he was feeling.

328 days later, we came out on top and showed everyone that our love for our children was stronger than anything. That depression, bi-polar, and anxiety cannot prevent GOOD parenting from taking place.

So, look at the two of us ...
~ mid 30's and a family of 7 (one who is living with his mother but is definitely one of our family as well)
~ both working in our dream jobs (although mine was unknown for a long time
~ equal parenting of children who respect the changes that have been made

I went to a Mary Kay event with a dear friend last week. There was one statement that Linda Toupin stated, and I will carry with me for a LONG time.

"You can love the messenger, and not love the message. Sometimes, that message is wrong."

So, Jeremy and I have learned how to love people, but not the words that come out of their mouth. We have learned how to love people, but not the choices they make. After 328 days, we have learned how to work as a team, be there for each other, and have a family unit that is self-reliant. Look at the two of us .... we are succeeding.

What doesn't kill you ....

The statement "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," is EXTREMELY true. My family has been put through the fire over the last year and I think our family has come out way ahead. We sat back and noticed that over the last couple weeks, we have just found our rhythm. While we still have occasional problems with the special needs, things are improving.


Do I wish what we went through on anyone else? NO! What we went through was hell. Having a mental illness is hard enough, but it is even harder when you know that it is affecting your family. Not having the treatment I needed was NOT okay. Not having doctors that listened to me or actually acted as if they were concerned was NOT okay. I feel very blessed to have a new team of doctors that are by my side and listen.

It is because of this that we have our family together as one. We are stronger. We are united. We have an Ohana.

Talking Serious Right Now

USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.

*may contain hard to read information*

I like to keep my blog uplifting and down to Earth. Unfortunately, there are life events that do not always allow that to happen. Everyone knows the past year has been extremely tough on my family and I am very thankful for my husband. He was there beside me every step of the way.

Let's back up a bit.



I was SO excited to be expecting again in 2010. We had been trying for almost a year. Throughout those 9 months, life began to hit some real hard bumps. We weathered the storm but it was not without damage. I fell into a depression and it became full blown PPD (post-partum depression) shortly after Monkey was born. I tried to seek help but kept hitting roadblocks. Jeremy wasn't sure what was wrong and had no clue about PPD. We continued to weather the storm ... but not as well.

August 22, 2012 life stopped. CPS came, cops came, code enforcement came ... everyone left ... including my children. I cannot begin to tell you what that did to me. Emotionally and physically. I have had MANY people ask me how I managed to stay positive over the course of 11 months while we worked to get our children back home with us. I must say it was because of the help the state gave us and my supportive husband.



That support is not something everyone has however ... which is why September 10th is an EXTREMELY important date. It is Suicide Prevention Day. While I was never suicidal during those long, dark days ... I know many who have battled suicidal thoughts. BlogHer and many others are teaming up and talking about experiences and support for Suicide Prevention. Support to show that we understand ... life SUCKS. It is HARD and it is not always fair. Depression is something that is REAL and even if people do not talk about it, it does not mean they are not fighting it. They are not lazy ... they are not seeking attention ... they are not pessimists ... they have a void.



USC’s MSW Programs Blog Day.  

If you or a friend are considering suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273- (8255). It is free and confidential.

    RIP Don Harman - Loved by THOUSANDS around the KC Metro  

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